Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
tequila makes me forget i have legs
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
