I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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