look no pants
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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