the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
