just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
