This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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