The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
