Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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