Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
