The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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