2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
