Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
