I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
