I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Randomize
