Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
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