well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
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He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
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I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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