LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
