if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
