Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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