she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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