capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
