at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
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but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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