woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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