I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
