I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
