if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
