I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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