They should really pass out barf bags in church
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
