Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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