Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
