Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
