So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
