hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
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