Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
My dick has a subreddit
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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