she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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