his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
