i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
