I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
