fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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