hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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