it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
