Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
