i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
