your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
