remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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