I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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