Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
