Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
