i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
