i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
