Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Mom said you looked used
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Also, beer. Big fan.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
