have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
