where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
