I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
