Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
