Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
