yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
