Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
