quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
