In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I am puke
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Randomize
