I think my fart just growled at me.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
