is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
