You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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