I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
