ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
