Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
me + whiskey = a bad person
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
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