I just gift wrapped bread.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
