Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
