Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
