ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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