If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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