I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
