hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
