I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
